What was life like?

It’s been so long, I don’t remember anymore

My life only stared in grade nine. Before that I had no friends. I was finally understanding what life was supposed to be. seven months later Covid hit.

I had seven months. That’s it. I have known isolation more than happiness. More than even normalness.

What the hell is normal? Is that why I feel this sickening pulling deep in my gut? Is that why I cry every night?

Or is it me, I can’t remember anymore. It is tearing me apart.

Before I thought the lockdown didn’t effect my mental health. I missed my friends obviously, but it didn’t make me spiral.

Boy was I wrong.

I am not ok, why can’t anyone see I’m hiding behind a mask. I can’t bear to cry in front of you. I can’t bear to see my pain on you. So I suffer in silence.

So I suffer in silence.

Just like so many others. We are a group, we need someone who isn’t there. I need someone. I’m not handlining well. School is crushing me, my phone is crushing me, my brain is crushing me.

And therapy isn’t helping. I don’t know where else to turn. Everything is closing in on me. I’m like that mime in my stupid drama class. I’m stuck in a box and can’t get out.

Would seeing my friends help, or am I destined to feel this way. Is this just Covid life, or is it my life. I am sick of the pain, I am sick of hiding. I am sick of pretending I am fine! Why can’t I express what I feel?!

Too many people feel the terrible ache, the eating of the soul. People need to understand what it can be like.

It is not normal to feel this way and Covid has made it. so. much. worse.

Spread awareness.